The little things you did

The way you couldn’t laugh without clapping,

The way you secretly ate another sweet

And then tried to look innocent

The way you had to know everything!

The way you forgot if you’d eaten lunch,

Or brushed your teeth

Or who we were, sometimes!

The way you spoke in wonderful, impeccable English,

And combed your hair and powdered your face and wore your dupatta,

All neat and proper

And sophisticated and charming

The way you joked and laughed and loved to have fun

We loved everything about you

And we know you’ve gone to a happier place,

And now you’re with a familiar face

Now you can be young and free again

Now you can be Fatti again

But we’ll still miss you,

Amma, Dadi, Nanima; we’ll all

Miss the things that made you

Our little Japanese doll.

Beast of Burden - Discussion on "India's Daughter"

So, BBC came out with a documentary called "India's Daughter" about the ghastly rape that took place on December 12, 2012 in Delhi. 

This documentary interviewed the people who were involved in the incident - the driver of the bus for instance. 

Mukesh Singh admits that he drove the bus while the incident took place, but denies that he took actual part in it. But judging by the comments that he's made about Jyoti, the victim, and about girls in general, he's no less guilty than the others.

In the interview that's part of the documentary, he says that Jyoti herself was responsible for her rape, and that she shouldn't have been out at that time of night, and with a boy at that. 

He says, to quote, "A decent girl won't roam around at 9 o'clock at night. A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy." He goes on to say that the rape and beatings were their (the aggressors') way of teaching a lesson to Jyoti and the boy.

This thought has been a part of discussion in India for a fairly long time now - the question of whether girls should stay at home, wear "proper clothes", and, well, we all know the drill by now, or if they can be allowed the independence to explore their world the way they want to, without fear of slander, or, you know, slaughter. So, in a way, some of these comments don't really come as a surprise.

What's appalling is what he says after that. 

Quote: "When being raped, she shouldn't fight back. She should just be silent and allow the rape. Then they'd have dropped her back after "doing her", and only hit the boy."

Wait there's more.

"The death penalty will make things even more dangerous for girls. Now when they rape, they won't leave the girls like we did. They will kill her. Before, they would rape and say, 'Leave her, she won't tell anyone.' Now, when they rape, especially the criminal types, they will just kill the girl." 

To start with, "the criminal types"? As opposed to decent people like Mukesh himself?

I might have excused his statements about how it's the girl's fault and how she should be under home imprisonment for her own safety as the deranged opinion of a disturbed mind, but the last two quotes? 

Is this an isolated case - do only very rare bastards think this way, or is this how opinion is led in India? Is this how the people who defend rapists for being out of their depth really think? Scarier - is this how the people who are responsible for making policies and enforcing rules really think? 

India's moving forward slowly - we're progressing in many ways. Our communications are improving, our infrastructure might in a hundred years be at par with private development, our thought process is changing - we're starting to take responsibility for the state of the country, and have started to notice the number of things "this is India's culture" tries to cover up. 

That's great. Whereas I'm proud of the support that Jyoti, and other victims like her are getting from a large part of the country, whereas I'm happy that women's safety and right to independence are being discussed as one issue, I'm scared of the people who will take something as disgusting as rape and turn it around on the victim. I'm scared of the people who, whether they really believe it or not, will blame the woman for not being careful enough, traditional enough, dressed in enough clothes. I'm mostly scared of the person who, when he reads what the driver said about how Jyoti should just have kept quiet, or how the fuss being made over this incident will make it worse for future rape victims, even in the privacy of his own head, thinks, "he has a point." 

Psychopath

This is inspired from a character in a book. This character is more pitiable than hateful, because beneath all the horrible things he does, you can see he's trying to fight the demons in his mind, and that they're slowly driving him crazy. I think of this as being the mind of a cross-section between a paranoid schizophrenic and a psychopath. Of course, if anyone has ever found it hard to resist some sort of temptation, you might relate to it a little bit, in a dark sort of way, especially if the temptation was especially sinful!

Psychopath

He’d let them in

And now they’d taken over

And they thought for him

And whispered to him

And told him how it was

And how much he was worth,

Which was never very much

But he belonged to them

No one else understood

No one else knew

Hated, feared, despised

Only the demons understood

He wished they wouldn’t till his lips froze

But now he belonged to them

And they would put all their insecurities into him

And watch as they ripped apart his life

And watch him despair and lose

And bring him down to their level

And watch as the fight died in his eyes

And he became their toy

And he became their slave.

They were here to take him down

Once he’s gone, he’s lost forever.

Sensibly Proceed

This is not a poem - it's a sort of - it's about me actually. Or not completely about me, because I still try to be very cool sometimes, but it's about the people who don't give in to advertising ideals, who don't think (anymore), that being cool means rebelling, not listening to their parents, living separately, adventure-sporting - all that jazz. This is about the slowly dwindling population who are just trying to live their lives the best way they know how. 

(Of course, I'm not judging adventure-sporters. If you've found peace on that mountain, (or hanging upside-down from it) then good for you).

Sensibly Proceed 

I’m not a product of advertising.

I’m not the photocopy of some movie ideal

I don’t think peace is something you find

After a long drive, at the perfect spot

Where a mountain and river meet.

I’m sure that place is really beautiful

But my peace comes from within

I don’t “belong to the road”.

I belong to the people who travel with me

I don’t “belong just to me”

I belong to my friends, to my family.

I don’t break the rules

I follow them – they make sense.

I don’t “believe in me”

I believe in religion.

I won’t follow something just because

It’s damn bloody cool.

The life that’s been given to me,

I try to make it work.

I try to be responsible for the people I love.

I don’t “make my own destiny”

My destiny’s a mix of what’s written

And my decisions based on what people want,

And what I want, and how much I love said people,

And what seems like the right thing to do.

My destiny’s connected to the people around me.

Society might not always get it right,

But however I choose to live my life,

I invariably become part of society.

What remains to choose is which.

I don’t look for happiness.

I create it – for myself and for the people I live with, and meet, and know.

I belong to the world, and I know, and I understand, and I accept that

With every fiber of my being.

When you find your barriers,

When you know limits,

That’s when you know the true meaning of freedom.

That’s when you can start exploring

When you know you’re never alone.

When you know you belong.

You’re complete.

How I'm asking for it.

So many people have been blaming women for being raped, that I'm starting to wonder if there's some truth in that. 

So I decided to examine my own life to see what I do to provoke rape, and came up with some shocking revelations.

 - It is a woman's job to wake up every morning and pray. I'm ashamed to admit that I neglect my prayers in the morning. If I don't pray, and become prey, it is my fault. 

 - I don't even wear a big black burkha as soon as I wake up - why won't i realise that I'm constantly in danger of being seen - by the garbage collector, or the watchman, or even my maid who almost definitely has some men in her house so if she accidentally describes my luscious body to them, they can't be blamed for any thoughts they may have about me as a result.

 - I take my child to school myself, without a male chaperone, in a self-driven car. How can I drive? Driving encourages independence, and independence leads to dangerous thoughts, especially in women - how can I even think to go through my day without masculine help?   

 - On my way back, - would you belive it - I'm all alone for five minutes! Not to mention the walk from my car to my house - I must not flirt with danger so casually. If I behave like this and something happens to me, who's to blame, if not me?

 - As if this is not enough, I sometimes run errands all on my own - like going to the dry-cleaner's, the grocery store - and all while wearing revealing clothes like salwars and kurtas without a thought to how many men I'm forcing to stare at my barely covered breasts. 

 - I'm almost ashamed to admit this, but, well, sometimes, I go shopping. Or for a movie. With girlfriends, no guys. My cheeks burn with embarassment when I realise how much pain I'm causing all the respectable gentlemen sitting outside cinema halls who have no intention of otherwise causing harm, but are forced to comment on women because of their stubborness to come out when they should be staying indoors cooking for the men of their own household. Women like me.

 - I'm already quite disgusted with myself, but I need to get this off my chest. There are times when I plan to go out - after 9 p.m! When will I understand that whether I plan with my husband or an army of brothers, leave alone the mother of all sins - a ladies night out! - if i go out after 9, I deserve to at least be raped, if not killed.

I need to stop making lame excuses about freedom and independence and women's rights. I must realise that I am being given freedom to do whatever i want within the walls of my home. I do have the right to go outdoors if I am fully covered and flanked by men. If I act irresponsibly - if I try to pursue a career, insist on stubbornly making male friends, flout traditions by dressing in jeans and skirts, then I must atleast have the decency to accept what's coming to me. 

Most of all, I must always remember the words of Mukesh Singh, one of the victims of a gang of innocent men on a bus who were morally assaulted by an insolent 19-year old girl who was out of doors after nine, and were forced to conduct a disciplinary gang-rape, "When being raped, she (the girl) shouldn't fight back. She should just be silent and allow the rape." I need to understand that resisting would only provoke them further, and then they will be forced, despite their inbuilt decency, to kill me, whereas they might otherwise have let me go.

I'm frankly shocked with myself and at the same time, impressed with the self-control the men around me have shown with all this undue provocation right in their faces all day long each and every day. I salute these noble men and vow to be careful not to provoke them further by a) being seen, or b) being heard. 

God bless us all. Amen.

Love's lost

Day after day,
love turns grey
And we walk like we're blind
Night after night
We pretend its all right
But there’s no denying
That love’s dying
Between the two of us.
And now there’s no escaping
And even though we love each other,
And the ache strengthens everyday,
Neither will act upon it
Or make it go away
Is our love destined to remain
Dying, as it is, till it dies
And remains dead for evermore?

Jab Tak Hai Jaan – How it should have been

So start the movie with a funeral.

Narration: so like you never know what your destiny’s going to be, right. So you’re like, dude, I can do whatever i want, right? And then like life leads you to places you never thought you would go, so there.

And the next scene is a quiet one, with shahrukh khan tensely disarming a bomb, with Katrina kaif waiting behind him, and her brother behind her.

And everyone’s like really quiet, until a burst of song just takes them all out of themselves, and the guy’s crooning about how she’s like such a bombshell and he’s just so scared she’ll explode and he’ll die and then pieces will come flying out of him and then there’ll be pieces everywhere and how will they clean it up? touching, romantic number.

And she’s like wow, sitting next to him, and listening in a pure white dress and lovin’ it.

And in the next scene they’re in mac donalds eating burgers, and he’s like, “I’m not just lovin’ it, I’m lovin’ you. Will you be lovin’ me?”

And she blushes like a bride and he’s like,” ok, I’m not asking you to marry me, you know. Just a little bit of love.”

And she’s like “Oh yes, he he”

And in the next scene, they’re dancing under the stars and they kiss and make out straight off in his bed, and they’re really tired, but happy.

In the next scene, she leaves.

So then the next scene comes and anushka Sharma is listening to him narrate this story, and she’s like, “What a bitch,” and he’s like, “yesh. Since then I decided that if god won’t give me my love, then I’ll jsut dare death for the rest of my life. Till i die.”

And she’s like, “wow, man that’s great.”

And she’s filming the whole episode.

That’s when she decides to make a short film about him, and his love story.

And she starts researching his life in the army.

And they meet on and off, and he’s like. Oh yo.

And she’s like yeah dude what’s up.

And then they like have some awkward moments and then she’s like oh shit am i falling in love with this dude?

And then he’s like, but i like my wife-who-would-have-been-but-she-left-me-the-bitch.

But then they play truth or dare and they just have to admit that they’re in love with each other. Touching romantic scene in which he’s standing half-naked on one leg in a pool of water and he’s like, ok yes i love her now can i put my foot down?

But then suddenly up pops the first love and she’s like tralalalala i’m bak. And there’s this heart-rending scene in which the second girl is like oh fuck.

And they spend like a few days together and the second girl sees how much these two are in love the rascals and she’s like dude just take her, i’m off. And she offs.

And then he’s like ok you left me first time, now it’s my turn, haha and he also leaves and the first girl is like crying.

But just as he’s dismantling another bomb, the first girl’s brother turns up and this guy’s like what the hell who are you to walk in so late in the film and the guy’s like yeah i wok e up late, but i think you need to be with my sister or i’ll break your bones just kidding she had cancer dude. Have a heart; she doesn’t have a kidney.

And the first guy’s like shit how she does? And the bro’s like. She was constipated anyway, it’s no difference.

And then the first guy is like crying and then he goes to the girl and he’s like ok i’ll marry you but heavy dowry. Haha you have to eat a lot and then you’ll be heavy so then i’ll take gold same weight.

And she’s like ahuhuhuhuh ok.

So then he goes for one last bomb dismantling and dies.

And everyone’s like. Um. Ok....

And then we come back to the funeral and the narrator’s like, ‘see? Don’t play games with god, cuz he has more practice, and you’re just a little bum to him. in fact he even made your bum, so think on that, all right?”

The tragical end.