Something, pain and grandoise epiphany

They would have us believe that there is a shining thing called "destiny" - a thing that we're meant to do - were you born to dance, or maybe cook, or is it your destiny to be a baby-sitter? But people don't fit in these grandiose boxes. 

That's a lie, built to distract us. 

Nobody's born to be a gymnast, or a footballer or a plumber - you might have some talents, but you choose if that's going to be the rest of your life. Because if this whole "destiny" thing is true, then you would have to believe that daily wage laborers, that, I don't know, unscrupulous businessmen, loan sharks, abusive people, or even people that hurt or kill others are destined for that life. 

Then, when you see the cruelty of the world concentrate and focus on its kids, you would have to believe that they are destined for that. 

Destiny is a lie. 

The only truth is beauty, and family and love, and the need to understand God. 

Maya

How do we collectively turn off our conscience?

How do we selectively mourn 

How can we still believe we're compassionate

If our sympathy is bought and sold

And weaponised?

And our silence is precious because

Under the guise of status quo

Looking at us in the eye

The murderer murders

What will we be expected to do next?

Clean up the remains?

And what if that same fate should befall us?

Would we then expect sympathy

From people who are hopefully better than us

Or do we reject it then

A price to pay

An end to make 

A life to leave 

Unlived. 

Miracle

You're loved 

That's an absolute

You're loved

In any circumstance

In any condition

You're loved

This love doesn't go away

It'll stay

It'll wait

For you to see it 

For you to heal

Do you have to become worthy of it? No. 

You're already worthy

Everything you do

Every time you get up again

Every time you decide you won't give up

You don't need proof of this love

You just have to know it's always there

Helping you when you think you can't go any further

Picking you up when you fall absolutely

It won't do everything, of course

This love believes in you

The miracle is you

You'll get up, 

Again, and again, and again

You'll do the crawl forward

You'll do the walk forward

You'll do the run 

The miracle is you. 

You'll find your strength within you 

And you'll realise how worthy you always were of this love 

You're held, you simply have to allow yourself to feel it. 

You are the miracle, you simply have to allow yourself to be it. 

Blink

How can you ever have been real,

If you’re not anymore?

I’m looking at your face now. 

How could it ever have existed 

If it doesn’t anymore?

Are your memories just something 

My mind made up,

Or were you ever someone I could talk to 

But can’t anymore?

How strange to think you were once 

Flesh and blood,

How - how can that dissipate?

How can a soul - how can someone you could 

Touch and hug and hold and smile with 

And smell and feel and hear and know - die?

How can the jokes 

And the advice 

And the eye-rolling 

(for bad advice) 

vanish?

Leaving nothing but sepia feelings…

How can you have lived and breathed 

If all I know of you comes from treacherous memory

And what when I’m gone too, 

Taking my memories with me?

Here lies a man who once was… real? 

Errant emotion

What errant emotion do you capture?

Where did it run away from me, 

who was trying so hard to keep it down?

You grabbed my emotions by the forelock

Is the fault mine? I was hurting and unaware

When you came for me first

I was emotional and trying not to be

And you laughed and took all the emotions 

I was trying to hide from the world

You took them, and you took me as well

And now when I'm trying to take hold of my emotions

Try to steer them in a way that i can manage

You, who took them and made them bigger and stronger, 

And made me weaker

You don't reach out to take me back

But now i come willingly

Called by the high, chilling notes of the Pied Piper

I won't tell you to stop

You're here as well

You've hurt as well

The call came for you as well

Louder. Higher. Bone-chillingly promising

And you answered

And now you're caught

Worse than me

I won't tell you to stop

You can't

I'll continue to try.

Unreal Reality

What do i do with the grief that's piling up?

where do i look where i won't see blood?

what do i do with the despair, the helplessness?

how do i stop this within my own body?

how can i distance myself from something that cries blood?

how can i look away from this that

... it's not the first time humanity has failed

but we thought we were past it

it's not the first time humanity has failed

but this time it's a collective failure

it's the failure of the strong to protect the weak

the failure of those with voices to voice the voiceless

the failure to find our own better selves

this is it

this is the result of a gaslighting on a level we didn't think we would see

and me?

What do i do with the hollow in my stomach?

what do i do with the blood rising to my throat

as i watch one side of the world burning

and the other carrying on as usual

this doesn't exist

this isn't real

they aren't dying 

in this strange unreal reality

if i can turn it into tears and let it flow

maybe i can save my own self

even though i still can't save you

even though i still can't save you

I'm sorry

the fault is mine

In Prospect

One day I'll tell you

How much it hurt when you looked away

One day I'll tell you

Why I kept coming back for more

One day I'll tell you

How it felt to sit right next to you

And yearn, unseen.

One day, when this all passes over

Maybe we'll sit and talk.

It'll be just the two of us,

In a place that feels safe

And I'll tell you what I went through

When I was trying to be strong for you.

I can't yet; you're not ready

But through all this pain,

And this heartbreak,

And this silence

I hope

That one day you will be

What I know you are

I saw an angel in you

One day I hope to see it again.

One day,

When the world isn't 

Attacking you anymore

Turning you feral in defense,

One day, 

When you find that angel within yourself

I know that day will come

I can see it in you sometimes

And you might not love me now,

But you will one day

And me? I will always love you

And one day you'll see it too

One day, when you're less lonely,

You'll see me here, who never left.