Dear God
Subject: Why would you do this to me?
It started with an urge to move towards the light. I tried, but found my way constricted. I remember wondering why You make these things so small.
So, I popped out – and quickly realised that I didn’t like it. Inside, it was warm and cozy and comfortable. Outside, it was cold and huge and scary and I was being held upside down while someone patted my ass. Random people were screaming incomprehensible gibberish, and that, I’ve come to realise, was just the beginning.
This world is filled with loud, incomprehensible gibberish, and some really funny, abnormally big faces. Well, maybe the funny faces are worth the while, but why would You take a perfectly comfortable individual and throw them out into this mess with no warning? How in blazes are we supposed to adjust? I remember crying – who wouldn’t?
This one’s nice. This face. It feeds me when my stomach does that hungry flip-flop thing, it puts me to sleep – which is one of the nicest things in the world to do – and changes my wet things when they become wet. I like this one. And this, and this. Thank you, God, some nice faces to take Home with me. Am I coming Home soon?
Or maybe we could wait for some time. I know this world has something called a doctor - really, really scary people with big pointy things that they poke into you, but it also has people who call themselves mommy, poppy, daddy, dadu, mamu, popu – then there’s dadu, dadi, dada, chachu, chachi, chacha – so many names for just one person, and so many people. And they wonder why we take so long to talk.
But they’re nice people, overall. They do things for me. Plus there’s some really pretty, colourful things out here. Did you make them? They’re brilliant! You pick them up, and shake them around and they make really cool noise. Such technology! And did You make this hand thing that I have attached to me at all times? With five fingers? You know, I can open them all, and close them all, and they all go separate ways and come back together. Of course, none of them leave the hand thing. I wonder why.
Then there’s the feet things. I wonder if these are attached to me, or not. I don’t see them all time, just sometimes, so maybe they come and go, You know. I try to see how they taste, but the mom, mommy, mother thing keeps pulling them away. She does get annoying sometimes.
God, this world is great! I can get on my hands and legs and roll around and move so that I get closer to my favourite toys – no, not the shaky, noisy things. The other ones. That they use to turn on that thing with the brilliant, moving lights, that thing that makes everything cold, You know. Those are yum. And my mother person and daddy person carry around this thing – I don’t know if You know it – it makes jingly noises from time to time, and there’s brilliant flashy lights, and then they keep it on the side of their faces and shout incomprehensible gibberish.
If only they would say normal things like “aa” and “baa” and “goo”. I have to teach them how to talk.
But thank You, God, You’ve done a pretty great job. These people are perfectly suited to be my caretakers. Of course, they are a little dim, but with some training, they’ll learn. I do what you told me to, and keep encouraging them with a smile.
