So start the movie with a funeral.
Narration: so like you never know what your destiny’s going to be, right.
So you’re like, dude, I can do whatever i want, right? And then like life leads
you to places you never thought you would go, so there.
And the next scene is a quiet one, with shahrukh khan tensely disarming a
bomb, with Katrina kaif waiting behind him, and her brother behind her.
And everyone’s like really quiet, until a burst of song just takes them
all out of themselves, and the guy’s crooning about how she’s like such a
bombshell and he’s just so scared she’ll explode and he’ll die and then pieces
will come flying out of him and then there’ll be pieces everywhere and how will
they clean it up? touching, romantic number.
And she’s like wow, sitting next to him, and listening in a pure white
dress and lovin’ it.
And in the next scene they’re in mac donalds eating burgers, and he’s
like, “I’m not just lovin’ it, I’m lovin’ you. Will you be lovin’ me?”
And she blushes like a bride and he’s like,” ok, I’m not asking you to
marry me, you know. Just a little bit of love.”
And she’s like “Oh yes, he he”
And in the next scene, they’re dancing under the stars and they kiss and
make out straight off in his bed, and they’re really tired, but happy.
In the next scene, she leaves.
So then the next scene comes and anushka Sharma is listening to him
narrate this story, and she’s like, “What a bitch,” and he’s like, “yesh. Since
then I decided that if god won’t give me my love, then I’ll jsut dare death for
the rest of my life. Till i die.”
And she’s like, “wow, man that’s great.”
And she’s filming the whole episode.
That’s when she decides to make a short film about him, and his love
story.
And she starts researching his life in the army.
And they meet on and off, and he’s like. Oh yo.
And she’s like yeah dude what’s up.
And then they like have some awkward moments and then she’s like oh shit
am i falling in love with this dude?
And then he’s like, but i like my
wife-who-would-have-been-but-she-left-me-the-bitch.
But then they play truth or dare and they just have to admit that they’re
in love with each other. Touching romantic scene in which he’s standing half-naked
on one leg in a pool of water and he’s like, ok yes i love her now can i put my
foot down?
But then suddenly up pops the first love and she’s like tralalalala i’m
bak. And there’s this heart-rending scene in which the second girl is like oh
fuck.
And they spend like a few days together and the second girl sees how much
these two are in love the rascals and she’s like dude just take her, i’m off. And
she offs.
And then he’s like ok you left me first time, now it’s my turn, haha and
he also leaves and the first girl is like crying.
But just as he’s dismantling another bomb, the first girl’s brother turns
up and this guy’s like what the hell who are you to walk in so late in the film
and the guy’s like yeah i wok e up late, but i think you need to be with my
sister or i’ll break your bones just kidding she had cancer dude. Have a heart;
she doesn’t have a kidney.
And the first guy’s like shit how she does? And the bro’s like. She was
constipated anyway, it’s no difference.
And then the first guy is like crying and then he goes to the girl and he’s
like ok i’ll marry you but heavy dowry. Haha you have to eat a lot and then you’ll
be heavy so then i’ll take gold same weight.
And she’s like ahuhuhuhuh ok.
So then he goes for one last bomb dismantling and dies.
And everyone’s like. Um. Ok....
And then we come back to the funeral and the narrator’s like, ‘see? Don’t
play games with god, cuz he has more practice, and you’re just a little bum to
him. in fact he even made your bum, so think on that, all right?”
The tragical end.
